Cheers.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I never expected to post here again. Have I abandoned this blog? For a while I have. Maybe I need to be slapped around before I can bring myself to post up something new. If you care enough to know, then yes. I have been slapped around. But not in the literal sense. It's like a bucket load of acid has just been spilled so carelessly over me. Who could do such a thing? Well.
Sometimes, in your life, you think you have something. You have someone. I'm rather glad that I have a tight group of friends whom I care for so dearly, who cares for me, too. But it still hurts. You know...You think someone's one of those "real" people. True to themselves. True to your friendship. But in the end they just end up...Leaving you. I guess I'm one of those people. I'm one of those people who believed they had a real friend.
It's not as if I'm saying I don't - A shout out, I love you Iona, Hope, Livanne and Micah - You guys are like...Wow, you guys aren't something I had expected to meet. I couldn't be more blessed to have friends like you. I love you guys. But yeah. It still kinda hurts. You guys aren't my backup friends. I don't have anyone like that. I value each and everyone of my friends. Equality. But these four girls...They're higher than most people because they're like my sisters. But this blog won't really be about them. It'll be about a certain someone who so foolishly and recklessly told me I was a bitch. Who told me I used people. Who just plain out hurt me.
I mean, I can take being insulted. Throw them all at me, I won't even insult you back. Okay. Maybe I will. But really! I don't get why people have to accuse me of being something I'm not. I do not use people. I may control them, control them into agreeing about what I'm thinking. But dear god, dear holy Jesus, dear Mother of God, I do not use them. That's just rubbish! I mean...It hurts. It hurts even more because it came from her. Someone whom I considered to be a real friend.
Right now I ask myself.
Who is at fault here?
I don't think it's me. I didn't do anything. I was a freak. I was a freak amongst normal people. Wait. I AM a freak. I AM a lunatic. So sue me. But I'm a good friend, too. So she doesn't have the rights to accuse me of being such a thing. I know, it's not my fault. It's not my loss. It's hers. If someone can't accept having me as a friend, can't admire me as a person, then FER SHO YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR ASS KICKED. I mean. No. No. I didn't mean it like that. I meant that it's their loss and that I won't bother with them anymore.
I try not to involve myself with her anymore. But god. It's just so hard. I mean...Once in a while, somebody enters your life. You think they're going to stay with you forever. But then...I came to a horrible conclusion that that someone just lied. I had so much fun with her. I know. I'm such a sap for blogging about this. But damn, I just need to get this out. It's hard. It's not easy. I want to tell her to STFU and just be friends with her again, but she's made it clear that she doesn't want me.
Even though I miss her...School's getting harder...It's getting harder to type this now. But I'm not someone who cries over things like this. I mean, I cried because of Titanic days ago. And my tears aren't worth it for a person like this. So...So yeah.
I end this here.
My regards to you, my former friend.
For a while I thought you were being real. You were being true. Too bad I was wrong.
I'll surely miss you. You were unique. You were fun. You were...You were a biatch. A freak. Just like me. But...Yeah. Bye bye.
You know who you are.
And another thing.
Iona, Hope, Livanne and Micah...You guys. You guys are awesome.
Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.
---Kris, over and out.